Adam’s Story
“I’m sober for the first time in years. But I have no job and no relationship. I don’t know where to turn.”
Adam had just gotten out of a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. He hadn’t gone there willingly. Like many alcoholics, he hid his problem for many years, even from himself. But is marriage deteriorated with every drink. His work became shoddy. He went in with a hangover and left early for happy hour.
One day his wife walked out. That provoked a drunken binge that got him fired from his job. The following week he was arrested for driving under the influence. That’s what eventually landed him in rehab.
“Where do I start?” he asked his counselor. “How do I put my life back together?”
Clean and sober now, Adam really had nothing to go back to. No wife, no job, only a very messy house with two mortgages. He clearly needed to start over.
He was tempted to patch up his losses: get a job, jump into a new relationship. Now that he’d fought his way to sobriety, he should quickly be able to reassemble his life. But his counselor knew better. That’s not “starting over,” it’s “picking up where you left off.” You might be lucky enough to do that, but soon the old underlying problems will resurface.
It’s like pulling weeds. You can clip them down, but they’ll be back in a day or two. You need to root them out.
So Adam’s counselor first got him connect to a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous. Anyone triumphantly exiting rehab has to guard against relapse. But then it was time to dig into Adam’s root issues. And his story was all too common. He had grow up in a wealthy but dysfunctional family. They had money but nothing else. Adam had always felt an emptiness. He drank to fill that void.
“Starting over” for Adam meant relearning a sense of self. He needed to think about who he was internally – what he liked, what he lacked, and what gave him satisfaction. He had to pay attention to his spiritual life, his emotions, his talents. What skills could he use in a new job? What qualities could he offer in a new relationship?
© 2001 by Thomas Whiteman and Randy Peterson
From Fresh Start President Tom Whiteman’s book Starting Over: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Rebuild Your Life After a Breakup. For this and other resources that will help you develop a healthy life after a divorce please call our customer care representative at 1-888-373-7478 and ask about this and other resources that are available from Fresh Start Divorce Recovery.
